In own mind, I’ve never really abandoned this blog. If you want proof, I can show you months’ worth of to-do lists filled with references to posts and essays and stories I planned to write and post here. But I’ve been busy – since the last time I posted, I’ve packed up my apartment in Massachusetts, moved myself and my two cats out to San Francisco, launched a book-reviewing blog called Postcards from Purgatory – on which my friend Jill and I have reviewed over a hundred books – gotten a job, gotten another job, gone off of all of my medications, gone back on some of them, tried new medications, and finally – for now anyway – managed to cure my insomnia. My symptoms are still around – in fact, all told, I think they might be worse than when I was last posting here in the spring. My body buzzes all the time – I think this is a symptom of my medications – as if it is just coming down from a nitrous-oxide high at the dentist. I have anxiety attacks about the dumbest things. I still want to sleep all day long, although I never do, and in fact I’m working more than forty hours most weeks and for the most part doing okay, except for the fact that I can’t seem to stop my left hand from shaking.
But this blog isn’t finished, and I want it to be finished. I’ve spent some time over the last couple of months going through old entries and outlining the entries that still need to be written, and I want to finish this project and think about sending it out for publication. It’s a memoir world out there, after all, and while I don’t claim to be a Maya Angelou or even a Cheryl Strayed, I do think the story I have to tell is a valuable one, and I thought that if I started posting these entries when I write them it would help motivate me to keep working steadily. I want to have a full draft of a book-length manuscript done by December 1. That’s do-able, right?
I’ve never done much to publicize this blog. Back when I was first out on medical leave, I was afraid to show it to many people. I shared this blog only with a few friends at first, and these friends read it faithfully every day and send me comments and feedback and were no less than the saviors of my life back in those cloudy months of February, March, and April of 2012. I still won’t be going out of my way to publicize it, but of course I would love to hear from anyone who reads what I write here and has comments or questions.
It’s late morning on Thursday right now, and I have to leave for work pretty soon. My weekends are my busiest time lately, so I don’t expect to get too much blogging done on Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. But come Monday – just you wait.